Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize