We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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