Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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