you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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