Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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