Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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