I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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