i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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