haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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