oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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