as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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