The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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