I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize