So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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