i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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