i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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