Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize