Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize