Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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