Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize