That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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