I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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