It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize