Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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