It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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