just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we made out on top of his cat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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