I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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