I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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