i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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