I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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