I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize