YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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