She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
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So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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