"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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