operation have a gay friend backfired
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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