Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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