Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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