Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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