(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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