Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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