He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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