I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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