I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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