Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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