Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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