SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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