Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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