You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
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Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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