i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize