i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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